The 7 Deadly Sins That May Have Killed Jared - Vote for your fav! :)

Lust- Like the Greek God Narcissus, Jared caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and fell instantly in love – or at least in lust.  Those deep hazel eyes, his charming boyish face, that stunning physique, and, of course, his lovely long locks . . .  Unable to pull himself away from his own reflection, Jared eventually died of starvation and sleep deprivation.

Gluttony- Due to Kristie’s amazing cooking, Jared had always been prone to over-indulging his palate.  Who would ever have guessed that it would lead to his demise?  One fateful Thanksgiving, Kristie ran to the store to pick up a last-minute item, and Jared, being left unsupervised in the house, could not control himself.  Alone, he ate every last bite of turkey, potatoes, stuffing, cranberry sauce, rolls, pie, etc.  And he licked each and every plate clean!  Kristie returned home to find a very full – and very dead – husband on the floor of the kitchen.  Through the smears of food around his mouth, you could still detect a faint smile of gratification. 

Greed- Christmas was coming, the goose was getting fat, but Jared would not put a penny in the old man’s hat.  In fact, Jared had successfully soared to the very top of Santa’s Naughty List.  Early Christmas morning, Jared awoke and ran to the tree.  He was anxious to ensure that he had received all the presents he thought he deserved.  However, upon looking in his stocking and finding a mere 2 lumps of coal, Jared went berserk!  He immediately lunged for the fireplace and began climbing in a desperate attempt to reach Santa and demand ALL the gifts he felt due.  Unbeknownst to Kristie, she went downstairs to light a cozy fire in the fireplace, and Jared … was burnt to a crisp.

 

Sloth- Jared LOVED his new couch.  It had the perfect marriage of comfort and support.  One evening, he made himself some gourmet popcorn and grabbed an A&W.  Then, he found his perfect spot, grabbed the remote, and nestled in for some good old-fashioned R & R.  What more could a guy want?  Jared was found 200 days later – dead from bedsores. 

Wrath- Jared was mad!  He’d slept in and missed a crucial study group session.  Inadequately prepared for his class’s final exam, he failed - miserably.  He was so devastated by this news that he hit a car while carelessly driving.  The owner of the car, a big wig lawyer in town, promised to take him for all he was worth - which wasn’t all that much, but still all he had.  To escalate matters, he arrived home to a messy house, a crying baby, and no dinner on the table.  And all Kristie could do was blame him for EVERYTHING!  Couldn’t she just cut him a break?  Well, he’d show her!  Jared went to the kitchen and grabbed a knife … Unfortunately for him and fortunate for her, Jared tripped on his untied shoelace, and the knife went flying.  He landed upon the upturned knife and died shortly thereafter.

Envy- “The baby’s hungry.”  “Alia needs her diaper changed.”  “Alia’s fussy.”  “Isn’t Alia so beautiful?”  “Isn’t she so smart?”  “I want to play with the baby.”  Blah . . . blah  blah . . . blah . . . blah . . .  Jared was sick of it!  Where’s the wife that used to dote on me?  Why is it always the BABY first?  Pay attention to MMMEEEEEE-HEEEE-HEEEE!  Finally, Jared had had enough.  He jumped on his bicycle and began doing tricks - every trick he could conjure.  He was going to get some attention one way or another, even if it was the last thing he did!  And unfortunately, it was.  When he looked to make sure that Kristie was admiring his cleverness, he ran his bike into a parked car.  He flipped over, and fell . . . hard.  He snapped his neck.  That day, Jared got all the attention he’d ever wanted.  Too bad, he couldn’t enjoy it.

Pride- Jared loved his video games.  He would play through all hours of the day and night, rain or shine.  After all, who needs sleep?  Jared especially loved playing online and competing to see who was the Master Gamer.  Eventually, he began playing a game that had no logical conclusion.  However, that did not stop him.  He played and played and played some more.  His efforts were to no avail.  But he had to prove that he was the best!  So, he kept playing.  His fingers cramped, his eyes burned, but he would not be bested by this game!  After 50 hours of nonstop play, Jared’s eyeballs bulged, popping a blood vessel.  The subsequent hemorrhaging to his brain caused it to implode upon itself.  His death immediately followed.